“Even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky..” – Letters to Young Poet
(note: these are just midnight musings…something that I just thought about and would like to share)
Mostly among friends, especially at this age (ahem!guess mine!), the topic about marriage comes up every once in a while or when an occasion calls for it – like when you have friends saying their “I Dos” here and there. There are marriages that surprise everyone as in it come totally unexpected and there
are some that would simply make you think, “Well,I’ve seen it coming” because the couple just seems perfect for each other and the only thing left to do is to tie the knot.
But what was really going on in the minds of these couples before they decided to marry? My brother just got married last October to a girl he’s been together with for 9 solid years and quite a few times after that event in their lives, I would hear a couple of his friends ask him… “Why did you get married?” Honestly, it’s such an unusual thing to ask because naturally the answer would be “because we love each other so much” but then it would make you realize that people see marriage differently and you don’t live in an ideal world and that not everyone are meant to agree on the same things, rather terms. In fact, some people never realize that the reasons for marrying someone is as important as the reasons for NOT marrying someone.
While you’re young and in love, it’s good to get your head straight and make your heart work with your mind. It can be tough, but with enough patience, it’s not that hard to do. Just focus on what matters to you. Now you ask yourself, under what circumstances should you marry? Is it when you get pregnant/got someone pregnant? when you can no longer take the peer pressure? when standards of the society started putting too much weight on marriage – whether it be legal, religious, or familial issues? when you’re totally in love with this person and you’re sure this is the one you just want to spend your life with? when you finally want to fulfill the childhood dream of being married someday (especially or maybe only girls?)? When you’ve finally settled and saved up enough to afford a wedding? If one of these reasons is something you can see yourself agreeing to, don’t you think it it’s also good to know what marriage really means to you?
You know why there are sham marriages, right? And you know that this is for those people who marry for convenience or political advantage. They get themselves involve in it because there’s something they can get out of it. But for most people – in love or not, I can bet that there’s hardly anything convenient in marrying other than for that reason. It may be the best thing to do before you even think of having a child – not just for religious reasons but also for legal papers. I know some women who don’t even like the idea of sharing his partner’s surname or being added to hers. Then there are these people who avoid marriage like a plague because once they’re in it, you’re gonna be stuck there until death. In reality, these people who don’t know what it truly means actually find it more convenient to stay single because once their partner starts taking them for granted or “mismanaging” their relationship while still living together, you are a freeman – no legal matters to sort out after. Game over and you walk out that door. So there goes the reasons why YOU won’t get married. Add to that the clash in beliefs. If one believes that marriage is a blessed union of souls, a sacred vow you make in the eyes of man and God, the start of nurturing a family that is centered on Him, an act of undying love for each other. It’s sad however, that some people fail to see the point that it’s more than making it “official” on a piece of paper. It’s sad to know that as you listen to what they have to say about marriage, all the most important reasons seem to have turned irrelevant.
More on reasons NOT to get married. Financial instability. Of course everyone have their own dream weddings, but if the financial burden to throw a huge party is one thing that’s stopping you then the essence of marriage becomes meaningless. You can always keep it simple and among close family members. It’s easier said than done, that’s what you might say. But in this case, you’d know more about the values of your partner. What matters more? Trying to please everyone or showing people that you do not fear a lifelong commitment?
There are couples who keep a date in mind or some sort of a time frame, so they can have enough time to prepare for their dream wedding if the planning takes a lot off their schedule as well that’s why they say they can’t get married yet. Most of the time, you refer to the time between now and then as the engagement period. There’s nothing wrong in believing that there’s a time for everything, but at least you have both discussed how you want things to happen in the future and this shows that you take marriage seriously and you make sure you both want it.
Apart from that, there are the ones who simply say that whenever the right time to say I do comes, they’ll have a go at it. But how do you explain “right time” in this context? Is it just a feeling that has to be awaited or something that just strikes you and in a snap makes you say, “Aha! This is the right time!” ? If your love for the other was never a question but then your feelings never come close to telling you that it’s the right time, then it’s a question of uncertainty.
Probably one of you would reason out, “we’re happy living together so why bother getting married?” like as if you’re watching 500 days of Summer all over again with some psycho commitmentphobe ranting on and on about how commitment only complicates things. Then your partner would just shrug it off and leave it like that. And even though you’ll never understand what it means to them, they stick with you & pressuring you into it is the last thing they’d do just because they love you. And just because you are confident that you are loved no matter what, you take advantage of that gift.
Maybe, among other things, one wants to make a commitment to have a full “ownership” and “right” over the person and because it’s marriage, you cannot easily get away from it. It doesn’t sound right, but that’s human nature. It’s the same as committing yourself to a relationship. Commitment in marriage is slightly different adorned with grace, but same logic applies. So why do you or do you not want to commit? How can it be so complicated when you love each other? The answer is clear to see.
Bottomline is, it’s not that you’re uncertain that this is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, but you’re uncertain if you want to finally commit and submit yourself to this “divine union”. Obviously, the one who doesn’t believe in anything can find every reason NOT to be fenced in. And again, if love and uncertainty are not prevailing issues…then what is? Certainly, faith is in question or the right time to “believe” has not yet come or who knows? It may never come.
Admittedly, just because of differences, you can say that I have my own selfish reasons. But you see it as selfish just because you don’t agree on the same thing or that by agreeing, you’re only doing me a favor. Now, reverse the situation and we all become one and the same. 
So before you get married and even think about it, make sure you believe and know that the essence of marriage is not happiness. It takes more than just courage and more than just love. As I think about all these, I found out that sacrifice is the essence of marriage, as well as love. And sacrificing doesn’t always result to an instant reward of happiness, but when it is done without regrets, it leads you there.
Seriously, I can explain how a fisheye lens could have a vital role in saving me from doom oneday, but I won’t go into details now..okay?;)
